i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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