I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
