you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Holy shit dude........stairs
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
