I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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