He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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