Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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