Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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