Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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