in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
