I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
