whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
