Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
