sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You may now shotgun with the bride
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
