she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
