wat bout pragnant strippers??
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
