I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
