i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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