help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
