She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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