Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
