Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
