It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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