I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
