Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
