Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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