My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
