You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
