I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
