so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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