First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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