So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
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