my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
