I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
