she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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