I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
