so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
