im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
