Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
