He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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