dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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