I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
