Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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