Porn is love you can see.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
