can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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