just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize