My balls are so social today.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
