Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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