I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
