Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
being pregnant is like rehab
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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