Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
