I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
