i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I got inside last night via doggy door
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
