where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
