I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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