RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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