Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
