i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
