I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
