Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
