just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
