He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
