i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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