As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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