took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dicks are not precious.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
