I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
