He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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