I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
3pm strippers are depressing
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
