Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
