Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
