carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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