ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
