i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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