oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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