so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
