What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
