I faked an abortion last night.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
