TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this just has baby written all over it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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