I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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