Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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