he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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