She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am available for nakedness
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
