kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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