Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize