Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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