Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When are your genitals available?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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