Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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