i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
