me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
