So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
