I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
one might say we're banned from that church
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize