Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ttyl tear gas
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize