it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
