My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
