Porn is love you can see.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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