Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
