I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
