i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
